The Comparison Game

I think I've mentioned a few times on my blog that I am a perfectionist.  My mom saved all our report cards growing up, and my kindergarten one has a comment from the teacher that includes "cries when she thinks she isn't doing something correctly".  That says it all right there.  I have always been my own worst critic.

Here is Merriam-Webster's medical definition of perfectionism:

: a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable; especially : the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness

Umm, yep, pretty much.  

As I get older, I am becoming somewhat better at cutting myself some slack.  Being a parent, however, tends to lure that perfectionist in me right back to the surface.....often.  I am not proud of that fact.   If Ben is behind in an area, I automatically think it was because of me...because of something I did or did not do.  And I frequently catch myself trying to "gauge" where he is in comparison to other kids his age we know.  I know this is ridiculous.  What can I say...despite my perfectionistic tendencies....I'm NOT perfect.

I think this past year, though, I have been a lot better about just letting go and letting Ben be who he is. And what a little joy he is!!  The boy is hilarious.  He is silly and dramatic and wild and loving and completely and utterly full of life.  He is one of the happiest and healthiest children I know.  And I am finally starting to embrace the fact that comparisons are a miserable waste of time.  No two children are alike....and that is what makes life BEAUTIFUL!!

Unfortunately, just when I go a decent period of time without partaking in the comparison game, something always seems to draw me back in.  Today, it was the dreaded "Development Questionnaire" for Ben's 4 year check-up.  Ok, I know he doesn't turn 4 until December, but....hello!....I'm a perfectionist, remember??  And perfectionists are preparers!  So, I decided to take a look at the questionnaire today to see where he needs to be development-wise by the time he turns 4.  Here is the first question (or, should I say, statement):  Have your child write his/her name in the column to the right.

WHAT?!?!!

Instantly, panic set in.  Surely this can't be right.  Four year olds are supposed to know how to write????  So I quickly consulted Mr. Google and sure enough, a developmental milestone for 4 year olds is writing their name and starting to write other letters of the alphabet.  Immediately, I was kicking myself for (purposely) avoiding "childhood development" websites.  I stopped doing this a year or so ago because all it did was make me a crazy person.  Those sites send my perfectionism into serious overdrive. 

 "See??" I told myself ,"SEE??".  "This is what happens when you "let go".  Are you happy now?!?".

Let me just take a moment to tell you.....Ben is NOWHERE NEAR being able to write his name.  The most intricate thing he can draw is a circle.  A very LARGE circle, because he hasn't quite figured out how to make them smaller.  Trust me, we've worked on it.  

So, like a nut, I started Googling to find parenting websites that are chock-full of other "worry wart" parents like myself.  My first click sent me here:  
What-should-a-4-year-old-know?  

Please read it. It is such a great reminder for all parents.

Seriously.

When I read it, I actually laughed out loud.  Ok, God, I hear you.  Time for me to take a step back and CHILL.  

And with a smile, I closed my laptop.  End of Google search :-)

Have a great day!
Brooke